Twelve Simple, Last-Minute Halloween Costumes for procrastinators and lazy people.

by louis whiteford on October 24, 2014

So it’s Halloween morning and you still haven’t picked out a costume? Have no fear! Here at Comics the Gathering, I’ve been digging through comics’ lore for some quick costume solutions that will still show off your geeky pride without having to resort to ugly, store bought costumes. (Mostly)

I’ve ranked these costumes by level of obscurity with the more popular characters up top. If that time I dressed up as Jesse Custer taught me anything, it’s that nobody has the time to listen to you explain the character history of Jesse Custer.

1. Popeye, Olive Oyl & Sweat Pea. – I wasn’t sure about Popeye until I rewatched the Robin Williams film and realized those giant forearms weren’t necessary to sell the costume. A sailor’s hat and corn-cob pipe will do just fine. Popeye’s wife and daughter are also very easy since the daily newspaper strip they called home necessitated simple, iconic designs. Simply make sure the colors are correct on your blouses, skirts or gowns and you’re well on your way to a genuinely impressive costume.

2. Jughead – Riverdale’s grooviest resident simply requires a red sweater, a paper crown, and an insatiable hunger for burgers. You could be any other member of the gang, but why would you when Jughead is available? He’s obviously the best one.

3. J Jonah Jameson – This costume is all about the hair. Find a prop mustache or trim your own into JJJ’s signature lip-tickler. Complete the look with suspenders and a cigar. If you really want to go prop-crazy, roll up a newspaper and wave it around like a bat.

4. John Constantine – Your trench coat is optional. Your carton of smokes is not. Now that Constantine is a big-time TV star, people might be a little keener to comic’s wiliest magician. If you want to smoke something besides cigarettes, check out our next entry.

5. Megg  – Go to a thrift store. Pick up a standard witch costume-black cloak, black hat, maybe some green facepaint if you really want to put some effort into it. Now do some drugs. Don’t share the drugs with your cat. That’s not cool. Real cats shouldn’t get high. Just imaginary ones. Think of this one as stealth-cosplay. They think you’re just a strung-out witch, but you’re really the strung-out star of several Simon Hanselmann books!

6. Spider-Jerusalem and/or his filthy assistants – Perhaps the most distinctive of Vertigo protagonists. People won’t recognize you, but they will have a vague impression that they’ve seen you somewhere before. Those sunglasses Spider wears might be hard to find, but you know you want to magic marker all of his tattoos onto yourself, right?  Think how much fun the tattoos will be! For the ladies, a black trenchcoat and a pair of shades are all that’s needed to look like a filthy assistant.

7. Jesse Custer – Priest collars are hard to come by. I should know, as this is one costume I actually tried myself one year. In the end, I made my own out of paper. I also wrapped masking tape around a bic lighter and wrote “Fuck Communism” on it. It was a really shoddy costume, but it doesn’t have to be! With an ounce more effort, I could’ve made a very convincing Jesse Custer. If only I had cowboy boots. However, if you’re like me and you’re too lazy to put any effort into your Custer costume, add an eyepatch for that latter issues feel.

8. Alan Moore –Haven’t had a haircut since last Halloween? Don’t plan on getting one soon? You could trim that rat’s nest you call a beard, or you could pose as comics’ favorite curmudgeonly mastermind.

9. Yorick Brown and Ampersand – For this one, all you have to do is carry a monkey around. I recommend a stuffed one, because Halloween parties are no place for a live chimp.

10. The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers – So you’re refusing to wear a costume and simply want to party? There’s a costume for that, especially if you’re already a dirty hippie. Gilbert Shelton’s signature gang of burnouts probably wasn’t intended to inspire cosplayers, which is good, because you’re not a cosplayer. You’re a lazy person looking for an excuse to not dress up.

11. A version of your favorite DC villain as they might appear on the CW’s Arrow – This one’s really easy. You can wear either a suit or commando gear and spend the rest of the evening moaning about the boring costume designs on Arrow.

12. Drums – Only go as Drums if you really want people to hate you. First you’ll have to explain Planetary. Over and over again. Then, you’ll have to drive everybody nuts by tapping everything with your drum sticks. Do not go as Drums. It’d be a more enjoyable experience to tape a trenchcoat to your housecat , put the cat on your head and pretend to be Blacksad. Not that I’m saying to torture your cat. I’m just trying to point out what a terrible costume Drums would be. Sorry I brought it up.

Bonus Costume - The Great Pumpkin – This is the big one, folks. The trick to this costume is that there is no costume. Just tell all your friends you’re coming to their party as the patron saint of Peanuts, and never show up. The more you hype up your Great Pumpkin costume, the more satisfying other people’s disappointment will seem. 

Have fun this Halloween, but above all, be safe! Take everything I've written with a grain of salt. Comics the Gathering doesn't want anyone getting into trouble on our account and doesn't condone dangerous activities done in the spirit of staying in character. 

Have a long Halloween, everybody.



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